Holiday Detente: It’s What’s For Dinner

Feel a dread washing over you like it’s tax day? You’re juggling challenging and differing approaches to COVID. Yes, murky election results and reactions further stir the pot. It’s enough to churn your stomach, but take heart. Here’s an ingredient-free recipe for you. Holiday Detente: It’s What’s For Dinner.

Yep, my good old fashioned recipe for a smooth, drama-free holiday meal requires setting an intention. If hosts and hostesses identify a list of safety topics, and a few hot topics to avoid, a greater outcome may result. And if you employ a few distraction topics, that can help, too. Restraint and tact are key to this endeavor. “In diplomacy, you really get good at not reacting to things in a knee jerk way,” said former US diplomat Matt Fuller in a November 22 interview with the NY Times. That’s a useful behavior to implement in your domestic affairs, too. He adds that even if you already know you can’t persuade loved ones regarding your views, you can often create a civil space to exchange them.

But what about when you can’t? That’s when we need a “no fly” list.

Let’s start with the no-no topics:

Elections

If your table is in full agreement, lucky you. You can move on to the next category! I suggest changing the subject if or when someone brings up an offending subtopic. Recounts, fraud, character assassinations, and new regime thrills or woes may find zero common ground at your table. That doesn’t mean that you can’t treasure and revere your opinions. It just means it’s okay to keep them to yourself. It’s not going to impede anyone’s dinner if they are left undiscussed. Paul sums up the benefits of restraint in 1 Corinthians 10:2. “All things are legitimate (permissible, – and we are free to do anything we please) but not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable, and wholesome). All things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive (to character) and edifying (to spiritual life.)”

COVID Conduct

Everyone has a different idea of what is over the top germophobe mode and what constitutes irresponsibility. Your grocery delivery-committed in-laws might never leave the house but your friend looks for any excuse not to wear a mask even in public. As strong as your opinion and notion that your way is best, you’ll do little to preserve harmony by taking them to the carpet if your views differ.

So don’t.

Hosts providing their hard and fast rules upfront do everyone a favor. If guests are uncomfortable conforming to them, hard decisions may have to be made on the part of the guests. If the gathering will really be limited in time and scope, it’s better to let everyone know as soon as possible. And if guests are uncomfortable that protocols are not strict enough, they might need to make another game plan.

What doesn’t work as we plan our gathering? Guests imposing their beliefs and practices on others. In Proverbs 15:1 we read “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Masks vs. no masks, vaccine compliance, curfew, and lock down restrictions: these are all variably received. When controversial topics arise, we don’t have to escalate. We can choose to take a breath and stand down.

Your Commitment to God In Light of These Matters

The divide in the ongoing Christian community is staggering. Many are categorizing a person’s commitment to God by how they voted or how compliant they are to local ordinances. This is dangerous and even ungodly. No one can sit in the judgment seat and make such proclamations. “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7.) James sums it up succinctly in chapter 4 verse 12 of his book in the Bible. “There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

So let’s not try that at home.

Alternatives to Adversarial Confrontation

In Hebrews 10:24-25, Paul offers a tutorial on Christian congeniality. “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” And that encouragement should not be occasional, it should be continual and consistent. “Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up,” Paul says in his first letter to the Thessalonians, chapter 5 verse 11. And when the pot starts to be stirred and tempers flare, Paul suggests we “strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace” in his second letter to the Corinthians chapter 13 verse 11.

Don’t Throw The Baby Out With The Bathwater

I’ve read some sad articles saying it’s a good year to ditch Thanksgiving traditions. Many of these articles state that there isn’t much to be thankful for after all. They advocate a general refusal of celebration in favor of austerity and restraint, especially when it comes to meal prep. But did you know that there are over 100 verses in the Bible about abundance? One of my favorites sums up how God wants us to approach our earthly existence. “I came that they may have and enjoy life and have it in abundance,” Jesus says as quoted in John 10:10.

Though He is for sure talking about an afterlife, this verse also communicates His desire for us to embrace the hear and now. We still have an abundant number of blessings for which we can be truly grateful. Jot a few down. Look at the faces of those at the table with you. Rattle off a few things you appreciate about them to one another. Keep the news off. Play praise songs celebrating the goodness of God. Consider engaging in some lighthearted activities. Assign each person “homework” to bring a Thanksgiving fact to the celebration to share. Work on a group project to foster collaboration. Play some sort of board or interactive word game.

And if your family is literally unable to get together this holiday season, you may need to go to a plan B. You could film some YouTube videos for family and friends not present as you make your signature holiday dish. You can contribute time or provisions to local food banks on the holiday or in the days following. And you may need or want to vary your own menu. Your heart condition is more important than what’s for dinner.

But most importantly don’t neglect to give thanks to the Lord and Giver of life. He is the giver of all good gifts. And even in a year like this there are plenty to be thankful for. In Psalm 34:10 we read that “they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.” In a season where some are tempted to say sometimes enough is as good as a feast, we can say that Jesus is not only more than enough, He is the feast. And as we gather to give thanks, we can be grateful that today’s celebration is a mere foretaste of the truly lavish feast to come.

Join Christian encourager/blogger/author Cindy LaFavre Yorks as she sojourns alongside you in your faith walk. Partner with her as she shares her travel tips for navigating life’s most challenging detours. Through personal storytelling and Bible application, Cindy cheers you on as you raise your white flag and deepen your trust in Him to develop an unshakeable faith to help you go the distance.