My Disastrous, Divinely Delightful Anniversary

Those famous words, for better or worse. They’re an integral part of the vows of marriage. As I young bride, I focused far too much on the “better” and naively dismissed how bad some parts of it might really get. Budding love really can be just a tad blind, no? And life beats down hard. Now that I’m older, and the years have accumulated like rings in a redwood tree trunk, I’ve spent far less time on the primrose path than I’d ever imagined I would back when I was a girl. So in this, my 38th year of marriage, I’m reflecting. On what? My disastrous, divinely delightful anniversary.

That’s right. It wasn’t a curated reality TV experience. At all.

Romance Drips Down the Drain

Let’s start with the visuals. Last week I had a blood vessel burst in my eye. I looked a bit like an extra from “Twilight.” That’s a problem even the best makeup artist can’t fix. And that was only the beginning. Because my hubby and chief car loader left my garment bag on the bed, I only had the clothes on my back as opposed to the cute outfits I’d assembled for the special weekend.

Later on in the weekend, the excessive amount of kimchi in the fried rice we shared proved a formidable challenge. I’m not even going to go into the details! Let’s just say I was reminded of a “Seinfeld” episode with Kramer running through the city in search of a restroom. And though the entire weekend itself was rife with considerable challenges, I can say with total certainty that there was an unmistakable beauty amidst its ashes.

But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

The Love Shack

Our long-planned road trip took a third more time than it would normally due to excessive traffic. Now that everything is opening up in L.A., gas prices and congestion are also on the uptick. When we arrived at our destination, the inn we’d chosen that was brand new since we’d last seen it greeted us with peeling exterior paint. Inside our room, we were aghast at the sight of stained, peeling wallpaper and a partially open window that wouldn’t shut. The ocean breeze that refreshed on the coastline crept into our meat locker cold room. The last straw? Bugs.

A rapid visit to the front desk won us checkout a day earlier than planned and we flexibly moved to plan B.

“How could this place be so run down?” I asked my husband. We were baffled. Until we remembered that we hadn’t laid eyes on it in about 15 years. What was once fresh and beautiful deteriorated into a neglected eyesore.

I couldn’t help but be struck by the irony. My husband and I just endured a really rough year in our marriage. We’d each neglected some important aspects within it and our commitment and love for one another had deteriorated, too. But unlike the innkeeper, who let his once lovely lodge atrophy, we both got to work.

Hard Labor

We each put on our work gloves. Sanding off the exterior, we spruced up our structure. Clawing diligently through the dirt in our shared landscaping, we enriched it with the rich fertilizer of understanding. We flipped the topsoil,  preparing for a promising new harvest made possible by the rich nutrients of listening and deep sharing.

Now our marriage, unlike the inn, underwent such a beautiful restoration that those who are privy to the problems, process, and progress view it like a relationship version of “Fixer Upper.”

I’m more than aware that every budding fixer upper project does not end with a guarantee to a beautified happy ending. And if that’s true for you I mean with all sincerity that my heart goes out to you. Truly, by the grace of God go I, and my husband, into the successfully remodeled category. But more maintenance will lie ahead. This time, we will stay on top of it.

Restoration Hardware

As I reflected on the blessing of restoration as I composed this blog, I remembered watching a film with French subtitles about a couple restoring art. Because I was deep in the throes of a 36-hour journey to Rwanda at the time, I was too sleep deprived to write down the title. In the film, two artists worked tirelessly to restore a dilapidated fresco as they endured the deterioration of their own once intimate relationship. I had to disembark before I saw the ending, so I’ve since made up my own conclusion. I imagine a Hollywood ending where the lovebirds strip away a layer of faded paint and add new, deeper hues to a base layer with a rich patina. That may not have been the reality, but a girl can dream!

In Proverbs 5:18, we read Solomon’s urging to husbands that they rejoice in the wife of their youth. The definition of rejoice means to feel and show great joy and delight. Sound like a tall order for long-married seniors to find great joy and delight in their significant others. Perhaps. Forever and always indeed prove challenging words in any promise. Yet they appear several times in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love, according to Paul, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And it’s worth fighting for no matter how stacked the deck may appear.

Past Imperfect

I admit I haven’t always upheld those standards. But I concede that I’m a work in progress. And I’m willing to admit when I need work. And when my relationship needs remodeling as well.  So I commence with it today and will persevere in the days to come. Part of doing restorative work also involves acknowledging what love isn’t as well.

Paul also adds in his letter to the Corinthians that love is not arrogant or rude and does not insist on its own way. It does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, easily angered, or keep a record of wrongs. That’s exactly why the anniversary weekend proved a triumph. We gave each other grace in every situation no matter how challenging things got. God delivered.  My disastrous, divinely delightful anniversary? It had a Romans 8:28 cherry on top. He brought good out of bad.

Playing Doctor

Later that night in our disappointing room at the run-down inn, my blood-rimmed left eye partnered with the healthy right one to squeeze out a dab of antibiotic cream onto my index finger. My husband turned his back to me and lifted his t-shirt so I could rub the cream into the wound where the dermatologist had cut out a questionable mole that will need still further surgical attention.

No, it wasn’t the least bit romantic.

And it could not have been farther from what I had imagined when we married 38 years ago or even as we set out for the trip. But love at its best is indeed patient and kind. It transcends lofty notions of romance.  Love moves past demand and expectation. With an arsenal of sandpaper and determination, it digs in its heels for the long haul.

Before we turned in that night, I presented my husband with his gift, a small wooden plaque. It sat in a closet for a year and a half. I had been saving it. For when I would truly be able to mean what it said.

It rang true when I first bought it.

Until it didn’t.

So I held onto it, hoping…

Thankfully, the Lord knew from the beginning of the ideal timing in its gifting. A  tall, sturdy-looking vehicle is emblazoned on it. Its roof is stacked with luggage. On it is the inscription “You are my greatest adventure.”

Silver Lining Anniversary Playbook

Before we left the next day, we walked the beach. We strolled past wind-wrecked tree trunks and marveled at how they’d endured fierce winds and scores of storms. We laughed heartily at how apt the inscription proved to be in that weekend that was devoid of luggage, proving to be an adventure in ways we didn’t expect. And again I thought of all the Lord knew when I knew nothing at all.

He knew 38 years ago of the strength of a love of the two He’d joined together. He knew where it would succeed and where it would fail. But God believed in us and sustained us as a couple through dozens of storms even when we couldn’t see a positive outcome. And when push came to shove, we’ve honored what no man should put asunder as recorded in Mark 10:7. Because of that, I’m able to embrace all my disastrous, divinely delightful anniversary had to dish out.

Maybe that’s the real adventure. We listen to God’s word, move past our feelings, and put what we find there into action. Then, we strap ourselves in for the adventure God has in store for us. We trust Him to navigate and lead us where He wants, with the traveling companion He selects for us. Thank God He has the long view despite our own short-sighted vistas.

Cindy‘s final installment, and her two others in the three devotion trilogy, are now available on Amazon in Kindle or paperback format!
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