Overcoming Self Doubt & Showing Up For God
I ran hurdles back in high school track and field. Defined, hurdles are upright frames arranged in a series over which athletes must jump. Ten of these formidable obstacles stand between every runner and their desired finish line. Hurdles range in height from 27 to 42 inches depending on the age and sex of the runner. When I encounter of any kind obstacles in my life, I run for the hills. Or aimlessly circle around them. Indeed, I’m quite adept at avoidance, a true artful dodger. Recently, my life resembles an unending hurdle field. As a result, I started to question my resolve, calling and really everything I’ve been working on. I was tempted to quit. But now I’m poised to pivot. I’m overcoming self doubt and showing up for God.
It’s Not About Me
This didn’t happen overnight. When I first answered the call to my encouragement ministry, I found myself preoccupied with a oxymoronic, obsessive humility. In other words, I failed to have a proper estimation of myself. I vacillated between denigrating my work and my worthiness to attempt it to being as puffed up as the Michelin man. And the fact that I am a sinner and daily fall short of perfect obedience to God wasn’t helping me, even after genuine repentance and complete absolution. In other words, I was either a complete nothing or all that and a bag of chips, as we say in America.
Of course, God’s word runs contrary to either estimation. Oh sure, I’ve read Proverbs 3: 7 which reminds us to “not be wise in our own eyes.” Paul states in Romans 12:3 that “for the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think too highly of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith God has assigned.” And in Philippians 2:3, He reminds us to “do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” And James 4:6 tells us that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
However, the problem with this predicament is that we are completely non objective. We are partial to a flaw. Estimate ourselves objectively? No way. That’s why we need discernment from God to make every decision or draw any conclusion involving this dilemma. And more importantly, when we work in ministry we need to be fully mindful that apart from Jesus we can do nothing as He remind us in John 15:5.
Popeye Strength vs God Power
Human strength pales in comparison to God power. It is often infinitesimal, ineffectual, inconsistent and inevitably conks out, usually without warning. In the old Popeye cartoons, we see the comical sailor resort to downing spinach whenever he needs a spontaneous boost of energy. Though I’m all for spinach consumption, in every cartoon Popeye continues to need replenishment of the iron-packed vegetable. God, however, is all powerful. He’s entirely matchless in strength and capability. He needs no fuel. He is our fuel. So when we rely on him to inspire, empower, enable and invigorate us, we know our motives are pure. Under those circumstances, our chances at succeeding with His agenda are 100 percent!
Sadly, we get distracted on the path to relying God power. We see something shiny, a sorry reflection in the mirror of ourselves that distracts. We forgot our mission on the way to completing the tasks at hand. It easily becomes all about us and less about God. But when we “set our mind on things above, not on earthly things” (Col 3:1-4) we guard against reliance on self power. This isn’t easy because culture fuels such misguided thinking. It directs us to self realization, not the divine mindfulness that we belong to God and should strive for the mind of Christ. And that direction can lead to a dead end of disaster.
What Does Just Showing Up Look Like
I contemplated the embarrassing truths of this laundry list of inadequacies for quite some time. And a funny thing happened on the way to my intention to jump via an exit parachute. Instead I dug in my heels. The Holy Spirit convicted me. He showed me how to properly empty out my sorry vessel of inadequacy and vacillation. I was gently but firmly reminded that I was never all that and a bag of chips! He encouraged me to fill myself up with “every good and perfect thing from above. (James 1:17.) And the more I filled up with “the good stuff,” the more the harassing spirit of self doubt began to dissipate. Right now it’s a dispersed vapor. That’s not to say it won’t ever return. But next time it tries to land on me, I will be more familiar with how to show it the proverbial exit door.
Now I wake up, go straight to the word and not to social media’s court of public opinion. I dismiss negative thoughts about myself and remember who I’m working for, not who I think I am without God power. I say yes to service when the Holy Spirit nudges me even when I don’t feel like I’m worthy to accomplish it or simply not in the mood to do it. Inevitable hurdles appear before me as I run the “race marked out for me” (Hebrews 12:1.) But now I stand ready to face down my earthly giants and soar over any and all obstacles. I’m grateful God sifted me before He shifted me.
On Eagle’s Wings
What a blessing it truly is to know that God is ready, willing and able to carry us over all that stands between Him and His calling on our lives. I’m sure you are familiar with the old adage “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” That is certainly true when it comes to leaping over life’s hurdles. Runners become better at jumping over hurdles with practice. And he more we face what obstructs us and leap over it, the better equipped we are for inevitable upcoming future obstacles. Maybe that’s how we can accomplish what James describes as counting it all as joy when we “meet trials of various kinds.” We can trust that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness (James 1:2-4.) When we do this repeatedly, we are reminded we are “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
How could we possibly internalize lack and frozen in our imperfection when we are sanctified by the blood of Jesus Christ and filled up to the brim with the Holy Spirit? We can’t! Our Triune God indeed completes us! As a result, we can “renew our hope in the Lord,” as Isaiah describes in chapter 40 verse 31 of his book of the Bible. We will “soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary. Walk and not be faint.” Now there’s an alternative energy source that’s readily available, eternally renewable and guaranteed to bring optimum performance to any “motorist” willing to fill themselves up with His premium fuel.
What kind of fuel do you depend on to go the distance? Are you relying on your own strength and the ethanol equivalent petrol it generates? Or are you opting for the high octane gasoline that only our Lord can provide for a truly high performance life? Join me in trusting God to help us go the distance on His mighty power. Only then can we overcome the obstacles intended to stop us and reach our full potential as effective kingdom workers.
