Scare Away Nagging Skeletons With Patience & Prayer

Scary decorations are up for Halloween. But it may be time to address some skeletons in our own closets. Let’s get down to the bone marrow. Scare away nagging skeletons with patience and prayer. This is my goal for October. Honestly, if I had a hundred dollars for every nagging suggestion I’d made, the world would be my oyster! My oldest son and my spouse bore the brunt of it throughout their lives. My autistic, mostly non-verbal son once had enough of my “suggestions” and finally said “good boy.” That was his way of letting me know he was trying his best. Ouch.

Nagging by definition is constantly harassing a person into doing something. It may be used to get someone to perform a duty or task. It can also be directed at someone for a behavior change. Either form is often met with resistance. In fact, most if not all nagging is met with a negative response. Women are more likely to nag than men are. English author W. Somerset Maugham said “it requires the feminine temperament to repeat the same thing three times with unabated zest.” Surely Maugham experienced his fill of badgering. Naturally, any husband faced with perpetual nagging is bound to become defensive.

In no other area of life is advice more emotionally charged than when it’s delivered to family members.  Children react with anger and defiance when nagged. A teenager may express complete indifference. An aging parent presented with nagging suggestions may feel subordinated. After all, for most of their lives they may have been busy nagging their own offspring. For them, nagging comes off as disrespectful or even foolish. It’s from someone’s whose diapers they once changed. The most well-intended wise counsel is often tricky to deliver. Even more unpredictable: how it is received.

God’s View of Nagging

The Bible pointedly outlines the futility of nagging. “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife,” says Proverbs 25:24. We read in Ephesians 6:4, “Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” It’s no surprise that nagging doesn’t work when God says clearly that prayer is the superior alternative. In Psalm 107:19-20, we learn how the redeemed of the Lord cried in their trouble. God “saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.”

Transform Your Communication

Fortunately, with a little forethought, we can lasso nagging and transform it into something more effective. Any time we begin to offer verbal help, we should always lay the groundwork first. I remember in couples therapy my husband and I made a list of “to do’s.” It’s often better received than verbal suggestions. Tone and blame are absent on paper. Confrontation is taken out of the equation. A list often eradicates the emotion out of what is being suggested. We have both tried to do this, especially when our to-do lists already seem overwhelming. It often diffuses the tension and accomplishes the purpose.

We need to use wisdom and discernment about how to approach and execute our counsel. In some situations, prayer alone might be a better first approach. Confrontation can come later after developing a solid plan of action. Once you have written down some key thoughts and finessed your language, be prepared to send up arrow prayers in each moment. Pray about what to say next.  Response in love to any feedback you might receive during the process. Finally, follow up the counsel with appropriate support to affirm the person even if you are met with resistance. This involve smore conversation or simply letting your remarks rest so the recipient can ruminate on them in his or her own time.

Take a Knee

There’s another alternative to both nagging and suggestion. It involves taking a knee. Or two. And keeping your mouth shut about that process, too. Don’t have to go around bemoaning to your friends that you are praying for your lazy husband to get off the couch. You can instead pray that he will receive newfound energy. Pray for him to receive clarity on his meaning, purpose and responsibilities within the family and at home. A good friend of mine quips that she never likes to miss an opportunity to keep her mouth shut. One of the most patient and sacrificial ways we can advocate for change in a family member or friend is to submit the concern solely to prayer. This isn’t always appropriate, but it’s worthy of consideration.

Shifting from nagging to praying and gentle confrontation done out of love won’t be easy. Ask God to give you discernment on the best course of action. Partner with Him to help you avoid complaining. Through His guidance and our petitions to Him, we can abandon our agendas. We can move forward with a game plan for peaceful change. We read in Romans 12:18 that we are to live at peace with everyone as much as it depends on you. Ask God to help you find the balance between suggestion and keeping the peace. He will enlighten your mind and guide you though the process.