The Domino House
People in danger often tell of lives flashing before their eyes. But I find a greater clarity in pausing to reflect on my horizon from the rear view mirror so I have a better understanding of my current latitude and longitude. Priscilla Shirer made this watershed observation, stating “God can stun you in hindsight when you discover the careful orchestration of events in your life.” While I am a bit stunned, I’m really more amazed and grateful for how God really does work all things for good for those who love God as He promises in Romans 8:28. Some people misinterpret this verse, instead believing that those who truly love God should expect only good things to happen to them. In fact, refiner’s fire is not delivered poolside with a delectable plate of petis fours and a fruity drink. It comes instead like a raging tsunami against a comfortable, orderly life, turning expectations on their heads and grandiose dreams into piles of rubble. Yet if we look hard enough we can find beauty in that rubble. So here are a few of my because of’s, the shock and awe that resulted and culmination of unbelievable glory to God.
Because I was unable to bear a child of my own, my husband and I opened our hearts to adoption, to one beautiful baby boy and then to another. Because we prayed mightily together over five job opportunities for my husband, God chose the one that has proved over time to have been the best possible choice in terms of provision, intellectual stimulation and promotion. This domino led to the provision that led our several other dominos into play, such as the house we live in now, was prayed over on the front yard before we owned it. That led to the rare real estate trade I believe God orchestrated to position me for ministry I have been attending for the past 20 years. I was within five minutes of that venue; even the challenges of autism that later impacted me would not stand in the way of bringing me into deeper relationship with and dutiful service to Him. I quote his promise in Hebrews 13:20-21: “Now may the God of Peace…equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ…”
My because of’s have sometimes been big and sometimes appeared in smaller ways. Our current home has two rows of shrubs that lead up to the front door. Those protective shrub rows were two dominos that helped guide Max into his “special ed” bus every day and kept him on a straight and narrow path literally. He was unable to dart to the left or to the right. Our home is at the top of a hill on a little high place so he’ was able to see the bus coming. Both our sons were divinely selected for our nest and always belonged to Him, no matter who they are entrusted to, as one of My autistic son’s Christ following caregivers reminded me of the other day. Being in the home God selected for us also put Max into a position of being a part of the school district which pays for Max to attend the special school he now goes to where they can help him achieve his highest potential. My prayers were answered again when the house we just recently purchased for him was also in the very same district, freeway close to the school and three minutes from our house.
When I first learned of my youngest son Max’s autism at his 18-month mark, I was standing on a grassy knoll in Irvine on a blustery autumn day. I was in a high place but not in a most high place if you know what I mean. The Enemy sought to undo God’s intended tapestry in that moment when he placed the tempting thought of letting go of Max’s trusting little hand, that he might run away and I would be free of him. But because God promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that he would “provide a way so that” temptation could be endured, I was able to resist. In hindsight, I see that the prayer warriors, my church life group and a host of other caring individuals were the cornerstones of the wall that helped shore me up all those years as temptations of despair continued to present themselves.
As Max grew, many of his needs stayed the same. I remember once we were at the beach, Max’s happy place, and I was drying him off, not in a “do everything as unto the Lord” kind of way. And suddenly the Holy Spirit came on me and filled me with a deep and powerful infusion of love for Max. It fully enveloped me and remains a powerful memory to this day. When I would find myself feeling out upon by the daily caregiving required for him, I would recall that moment and it would restore my joy to get me through the task at hand. If we indeed seek the Lord with all our heart, He not only allows us to find him, his bright light willl radiate through the prominent cracks of our hard knocks lives. I was a cracked pot in progress but much work was – and frankly is- still to be done.
My wandering in the wilderness with Max has overall been a long and winding road often full of physical and emotional pain. It’s hard to witness someone omplety non-verbal trapped by autism and at times even being the brunt of that frustration and anger literally. Even then, God enabled me to love Max through it all. Last month, the Lord made it clear to me though that He would deliver me from that day to day aspect of the trial. He clearly told me that I had learned all that I was to learn from the day to day caregiving and that it was time to enter a new phase of my life: helping other moms like me. I will get to those details in a minute.
To be honest, I wasn’t super thrilled initially. In the past, when I was in the midst of free time away from Max, the last thing I had emotional room for was to hear the similar laments of others like me. No I don’t want to go to the Broadway play about autism but yes, please feel free to pass the tissues. The writing of my devotion book “The Side Door” (currently in editing) was the beginning of that leading- it was time to help others, I heard Him say it was time to expand my sphere of influence, So I listened and made some progress. I finished my book but somehow the effort felt inexplicably incomplete. I kept remembering a well-meaning pastor who once told me I would stand on top of the mountain one day and see all that God did. I kept telling myself I had done that but it rang false in my heart of hearts. Something seemed to be missing. Then – at the time seemingly unrelated – I began really praying and entering into the struggles of other moms like myself. I begain brainstorming about creative ways to really help them. A new light bulb had come on inside a dark closet but I had yet to open that door. I started to imagine helping others in a bigger way even though I wasn’t sure how I would accomplish such a daunting task when I was still so needy myself.
It’s quite true that it can be darkest before the dawn and that was certainly bore out on the day of Max’s outburst that resulted in 911 calls and a frightening trip to the ER. Again God provided a way for me to “bear up under it” and it truly is a miracle that I was not hurt when his episode began or again at the hospital when even under heavy sedation, he tried to come after me again. In the moments that followed that terrible ordeal, I again heard from the Lord in my pleas and cries out to Him that my time of deliverance had arrived. Over the next few days, a peace and a resolve came over me so surprising and reassuring that it could only come from God. He revealed to me that it was time for Max to live elsewhere.
God isn’t in the business of blowing up mountains like autism. No, He’s a way maker and a sea splitter.
That’s just what He did for me in an amazing two week period this past August. Because of God’s provision, and our experience in previous God-ordained real estate deals, we were able to find, buy, furnish, close escrow and move Max fully into his new home, completely staffed with caregivers prayed for before they ever set foot in that dwelling in a mere 14 days. “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11. It was as true for Max as it was for me. I am finally able to say that Exodus 3:12 encompasses my journey perfectly- “He said, but I will be with you and this shall be the sign for you. That I have sent you – when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”
Well I’m no Moses, or even Charlton Heston, but I understand God’s instructions when I get them. So I’m rolling up my sleeves. It’s been said that every mountaintop is within reach if you just keep climbing, and that the best view comes after the hardest climb. I can say with certainty that my view is stupendous and is without a doubt more glorious and satisfying than I could ever have imagined. It is the place God ultimately brought me to prepare me to effectively minister to others. I remember before I went to Rwanda a few years back, we were all formally commissioned. The Bible verse assigned to me was “how beautiful on the mountaintops are the feet of those who bring good news.” Isaiah 52:7. Because of my journey to the top of this mountain, thanks to the way He’s made, I’m positioned and eager to bring the good news of how God really can bring good out of what looks to the untrained eye like heartache and despair.
In pondering all these things, a verse from Job jumped out at me as I was reviewing some old sermon notes – it’s from 42:10 – “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored His fortunes and gave him twice as much as He had before.” It wasn’t riches that were restored to me, but instead I received twice as much joy, double the faith and a two-fold increase of hope; God’s plans and His timing bring about the greatest dividends in life this side of eternity. I saw a beauty in the ashes left in the wake of all that’s happened with Max that surprised me. Someone recently told me it looked to them like it was all for nothing but I see that the opposite is true. I see a little pile of gold nuggets inside His mighty palm. The journey through the wilderness with Max brought the “because of” full circle like an out of the park home run in the baseball game of my life.
Speaking of home runs, Max’s caregivers are the hands and feet of Jesus himself. I am not eggagerating. And The Domino House itself inside is turnkey, with a few things to tweak but nothing major to repair. And Max adjusted much better than anyone thought he would – he loves his little home on Altura, which I recently discovered means “high place.” When I learned that, my entire being lightened like a hellium balloon with hope and reassurance, I Googled high places and found this amazingly appropriate verse: “For behold, He who forms mountains and creates the wind and declares to man what are his thoughts, he who makes dawn into darkness and treads on the high places of the Earth, the Lord of hosts is his name.”
I like imagining the Lord treading on Altura street alongside Max and his devoted caregivers. And if it’s God’s will, others like Max will also soon be blessed by inhabiting the high place on Altura Street as well -“man makes his plans but the Lord directs his steps” ( Prov. 16:9) so we shall see what’s next for the what I lovingly call the Domino House that God built.
Rick Warren once said “wisdom does not automatically come from age. Maturity is when you extract meaning from the everyday experience of life.” I’m keeping my extraction in a bottle to share with moms who are still treading water in their galoshes. I can reach into my hard won bounty and share it with them. That’s the beauty of extracts; they’re concentrated and can go a long way in doing a little for a lot. Because of all God’ s done for me, it’s the least I can do for others like myself who are still in mid climb.
